"It was like walking around with 'HATE ME' tattooed on my forehead"
Nigel is working tirelessly to make amends for his past mistakes
On March 27 this year, Nigel Cranswick, 53, was released from prison having served five years of a 10 year sentence for a £330m VAT scam. But, while life in prison is seldom a pleasant experience, prison was especially dangerous for Nigel – because he was once a police officer.
Speaking
solemnly of the experience, Nigel says: “It was like being cast
into a savage world.”
Though he had already left the police service at the time of his incarceration, Nigel explains that his background made him a marked man on the wing, “it was kind of like walking around with 'hate me' tattooed on my forehead,” he says.
Nigel had believed that the system would recognise his former status as a danger to his own safety and put something in place for his protection, but he says that he was let down, “the system does absolutely nothing to care for someone who comes from a law enforcement or criminal justice background,” he says, “they are placing people like me in tremendous harm,” he continues.
Although Nigel recognises the argument that all prisoners should be treated the same, he believes he was immediately at a disadvantage inside, “how can it be a level playing field, when my presence there, symbolically, is not the same as another persons presence there?” He argues.
The danger to Nigel's wellbeing was so severe that, for the first two years of his sentence, he was unable to go to work or education inside the prison because prison guards couldn't guarantee his safety, so he was told he'd have to stay in his room.
It was during these first two years, while Nigel was in a category B jail, that he considered taking his life, “it was very, very dark days at first,” he says, “I remember looking at my guitar and looking at the thickest string thinking 'that could probably take my weight', that's how bad it was,” he adds.
Thankfully, Nigel was able to get in touch with a councillor who helped him to focus on aspects of his life in prison that he could control. It was at that point that Nigel made a promise to himself: to write as much music as he could, and to write a book – something he'd always dreamed of doing.
Although this marked the beginning of a positive change for Nigel, it wasn't until the third year of his prison sentence, when he was transferred to a category D, open prison in Hatfield, that things really turned around for the better.
“The minute that I went from category C to D, the thing that absolutely knocked me for six was just seeing all the grass, and that officers smiled at you and called you by your first name, it was truly astonishing,” Nigel says.
The two years Nigel spent in HMP Hatfield were by far the most positive of his five year sentence, and this is evident by the way he talks about it, “it's an outstanding place,” he says, “I've got nothing but admiration for what goes on there,” he adds.
For Nigel, one thing that particularly stands out about his time in Hatfield is how supportive they were of his music career, something that has long been a passion of his.
While serving out the remainder of his sentence, Nigel had won a song writing competition, “this is how good HMP Hatfield were to me,” he says, “they allowed me to go from Hatfield, on the train, on my own to the Southbank festival in London,” he adds, where he performed his song to a crowd of 200, “that's how much they trusted me,” he continues.
The incredible difference that Hatfield made to Nigel's life is hard to ignore, “they gave me my dignity back,” he says, “closed conditions stripped me of my dignity completely, completely almost ruined me and those guys [Hatfield] built me back up again,” he continues.
However, it's his wife that Nigel gives ultimate credit to, for her unyielding support throughout his ordeal, “every week without fail, every Sunday she'd be there,” he says, “without her, maybe I wouldn't have rung the councillor that day,” he adds.
Despite his hardships, Nigel knows that he is one of the lucky ones because he came out of prison to a supportive family at the gates, and a paying job waiting for him, “the guys who need the help are the ones who have got neither of those things,” he says.
Eventually, Nigel hopes to use his experience to lend a voice in addressing the problems he has seen in prisons but, for now, he's focusing on his job, his freedom, and pursuing the creative interests that kept his spirits up during his time in prison. With three albums written and a book penned, he's off to a great start.
